When a child is brought to my office

When children are brought to my office, it’s tempting to just resolve it there and then. But I’ve learned that protecting the relationship matters more. If I step in as the “saviour”, I might get a quick win—but I undermine the teacher in the long run.

When I first started as a headteacher, I had children regularly arriving at my door. I’d listen to the child, ask what had happened, and issue a consequence. I thought I was supporting staff and giving the child a voice. But often, I wasn’t getting the full picture. So I changed my approach—checking in with teachers first.

That helped. But children were still being sent out, so we looked at culture.

We reworked the behaviour policy. We trained staff. We added a one-minute weekly culture reminder so we stayed consistent in how we spoke to children. But culture doesn’t shift overnight.

Alongside that, we focused on:
– consistent routines
– positive language
– understanding individual needs, including trauma and neurodiversity
– putting support in place for individual students

But even with all of that, some moments just need a pause. Not a punishment—a reset. And this is why Paul Dix’s words resonated with me.

This isn’t about leadership stepping back. Serious incidents still lead to clear consequences, and we always follow them up properly. And it’s not about leaving staff unsupported. Each person needs something slightly different depending on their experience or whether they are new to our school and our children. Some staff need help modelling those conversations, and I see that as part of my role.

Last year, I taught a class for a month to protect the culture when we had long-term absence and supply wasn’t able to maintain it. And I needed support too. I needed someone to take a child for a reset—not to solve it for me, but to give us both space from the situation. After a short time, when they came back, I dealt with it.

That’s what our staff need too. Not someone to take over, but someone to create the space so they can take control back at the right time.

So now I ask: “Shall I stay with them until you’re ready to have a restorative? I can stand beside you when you do so the child sees a united front, or we can speak to them together?”

Because the conversation that repairs the relationship needs to happen between the people in the room.

If I deal with it, I get control.
If the teacher deals with it, they keep it.